For those of you who don’t know, way back when, I used to be a pickup “artist” instructor.
I would teach guys who desperately wanted to know how to connect with women the “art” of how to move, talk, play, joke, challenge, flirt, stand, walk, dress, speak. For a while, it was fun and it truly felt like a gift to a lot of sincerely good guys who just wanted a shot at having more of the unmistakable beauty, love, play and fulfillment in their lives that only the feminine can bring.
In many ways there really was an “art” to it. And the purpose of that social “artistry” was to see how well we could reverse engineer the “playful outer qualities” of the man who is “truly” at home in himself. Men were desperate for that experience and for many it was like helping them out of a dark room to catch their first beam of light from the sun. It was rewarding and joyous to be on that journey with them.
And yet, it was short lived in many ways because ultimately I came to see that we were simply teaching other men how to look, act or “portray” that they were this man… without actually having even the slightest clue ourselves about how to be him. There was a certain degree of fake it till you make it but even “making it” back in those days was still a far cry from truly “being at home in ourselves as men”.
Since that time there has been a much deeper investigation for me into not just emulating that man but being him. Being me. It’s been one of the most terrifying, liberating journeys of my life and it’s one that continues inward from the surface toward the core of my own “being.”
It’s almost funny to realize how much personal evolution is wrapped up in all of this. I notice that the more “me” I am, the more others feel that they can truly be themselves in my presence. And the more we are all our deepest, most real, vulnerable selves the more beauty that naturally radiates through us. And that consistently invites the most joyful, beautiful relationships.
That’s the real “art” as in “a work of art” that captivates, inspires and intrigues.
I believe we are all (both men and women) at our most attractive when the purest essence of who we are can radiate through us and come into the world. Ironically, this doesn’t mean looking good either (which has been quite the ongoing lesson for me). It means being vulnerable, real, transparent and honest as well.
It means allowing the depth of my feelings to move through me the way a summer storm might pass through nature, unobstructed and without the slightest resistance. Through the eyes of a forest (which is grounded, rooted and connected to the Earth) the passing storm is nothing but power, energy and purity and soon enough the skies clear again and the sun returns.
So, I just felt inspired to say that we are all “art” and the more I (we) get out of the way of ourselves the more color, depth, richness and life that comes through us.
It’s a continual work in progress for sure. Sometimes I fail big and other times I rock it hard. But for better or for worse that’s the art I’m choosing to create these days.
How about you?