Do you know what’s more badass than knowing yourself as a man and being willing to look into your dark places?
It’s being willing to ask yourself the questions that take you there.
If you want to be the badass man that the women you want melt for, then learning to grow beyond your old stories, patterns and perceptions of yourself is what gets you there.
But I digress…
Did you ever watch the original Star Trek from the 70’s?
There was an episode I remember watching with my little brother when we were kids. In this one scene a beautiful female space alien wearing one of those classic tinfoil bikinis turns into a giant pink gorilla with suction cups for fingers and uses them to suck the energy out of Captain Kirk’s brain.
Before zapping it with his phaser, Mr. Spock appropriately exclaims, “She’s killing the captain!”
Let’s flash forward about two decades later to my late 20’s. I’m dating a woman named Trina. It started off great but now it’s not going that well. There’s a lot of stress and tension. I’m feeling suffocated. She wants too much from me.
The phone rings. It’s my brother. “How’s it going with Trina?”
Me: “Dude, she’s killin’ the captain.”
He knows exactly what I’m saying. Not surprisingly Trina and I eventually break up. Seems pretty cut and dry, right? Super needy girlfriend / Sucking the life out of me / Feeling suffocated / It’s just not a match.
Fast forward another several years. Now I’m in my mid thirties looking back on how many relationships I’ve been in where I’ve felt like Captain Kirk being attacked by the Pink Suction Cup Vampire Gorilla. I’m talking to my brother on the phone.
Me: “It’s so weird how many of my relationships turn into these needy messes that I just have to get away from.”
My bro: “Yeah, it’s because you’re afraid she’ll be Mom.”
Me: “Whaddya mean?”
My bro: “Dude! How obvious is it? Mom is super suffocating. Your girlfriends have never been all that needy, you’re just SO afraid of them being like Mom that at the slightest sign of neediness you freak out and push them away.”
My bro: “Dude! How obvious is it? Mom is super suffocating. Your girlfriends haven’t necessarily been all that needy, you’ve just got your radar on high because you’re afraid they’ll be like Mom and when you get the slightest sign of neediness you freak out and push them away.”
The sky cracks open and my entire life changes in an instant.
I suddenly see how I’ve ejected from multiple relationships because I was working through my relationship with my mom. (Love you, Mom).
It was only at that point that my relationships with women began to shift in ways that I could have never imagined.
Now, here is why I share this story with you. I had an Authentic Breakthrough.
In one moment my life was one way and in the next moment it all looked completely different. Ever had that experience?
Truth is you don’t have to wait for the all the planets to be in alignment for an authentic breakthrough to just land on you. You can induce your own authentic breakthrough, right now even before you’re done reading my little blog post on Pink Suction Cup Gorilla’s.
In fact, there is a very good chance that if you do this simple exercise right now you can gain insight into your life that could create a shift for you.
Simply read the sentence stems below and finish the thought on your own.
*Bonus points if you copy these sentence stems onto your own word doc and complete them there*
Not all of these may feel like they apply to you but go ahead and answer anyway. You may be surprised to see what you say. Don’t think too hard. Just go with whatever comes to mind first.
THE UNWRITTEN RULES OF MY LIFE
I can never say what I really feel because if I do, __________.
I only feel comfortable in a group if I________.
I can’t allow myself to be seen as_________.
I can’t go to bars or clubs or movies by myself because________.
It takes too much effort to __________.
I feel like I’ll never_________.
When I was younger I always felt___________.
I’ve somehow constructed a life where I always seem to _____________.
I will feel socially uncomfortable unless I___________.
I find myself constantly feeling______________.
I desperately want to feel_______________.
I spend an enormous amount of time ______________.
I don’t feel the energy or motivation to ______________ even though I really want to.
I feel tortured by thoughts of ____________.
I’ve created an image of myself where everybody thinks I’m___________.
When I’m dating someone I find that I ____________.
I always have to ________ because if I don’t______ will happen.
Now for each answer ask yourself:
- Is that really MY truth… or is it someone else’s? (Like my father, mother or teachers?)
- When did I first decide this was true? (What happened?)
- How do I know this is true?
- Is this belief really me?
- Is this actually true, anymore?
What if our lives weren’t really the way we thought they were?
I spent a lot of my life thinking that women were Pink Gorilla Energy Vampires until I realized my radar was set on max (and my phaser on “kill-relationship”).
I’m grateful for that insight. And while there are ways I’m still working on it, I’ve come thousands of miles from where I was. (Sorry about that, Trina.)
Consider that there may be a hell of a lot more for you beyond the way things “appear” in your life, and take the plunge to dive in deeper.
That’s how it works, bro… awareness = choice.
The Captain Lives,