When I was in middle school there was this awkward, train wreck of a girl named Margo Frisbee (yes, that was her real name).
She was taller than the other girls, her arms seemed too long, she wore this crazy looking headgear for her braces and she had tons of hair that was always tied up in a bun so it made her head look twice the size.
She was three years ahead of me, and while I never spoke to her, I’d always silently regarded her as some kind of tragic phenomenon. But by the time I entered high school and she was getting ready to graduate, things had changed.
Margo Frisbee was now stunningly beautiful. She had completely transformed from ugly duckling to graceful swan. Everything about her screamed “WOMAN”.
She looked like a cross between a supermodel and an action hero. She was the most beautiful woman in school and yet she totally ignored all the popular kids who had mercilessly teased her growing up as they were now finally looking her way. She kept to a small group of loyal “non-popular” type friends and I could tell that she was just waiting to graduate so she could turn her back on this whole town, spread her wings and fly away.
I was mesmerized by her.
In typing class I sat next to her friend Ken and confided in him that Margo was my dream woman.
One day her turned to me in class and said, “I told Margo what you said.”
I was pissed and mortified and didn’t know whether to pick a fight with him or jump out closest window. “Relax.” He said, “Just say hi to her. She was curious to know who you are.”
And then one day soon after that conversation, just as if my life was a movie, it happened.
It was the classic scene. In a silent, empty, school corridor. There she is. I’m walking one way. She’s walking the other.
My heart gives one gigantic “GLUG” and then it felt as if it stopped entirely for a full moment. She knows who I am what I said, but we’ve never spoken a word. My face turns red. My heart starts beating so fast that I’ve got tunnel vision. I think I may be going blind in one eye. There goes the hearing. Time slows down. I can’t think of anything to say.
She’s almost next to me, passing by. I’m not looking at her but I can feel that her eyes are on me. I can barely even remember my own name. I’ve got to do something… but what?
In one sense, when you really think about it. It should be the most natural thing in the world to interact with a beautiful woman. And yet, for the majority of men it can feel impossible.
This is what is referred to as “feminine radiance”. For a lot of men this is both the source of our attraction AND our contraction.
We often “contract” or close down, in the face of her feminine radiance because of how little capacity we have to handle the intensity of the sensations that come with it. In other words, you could be a rocket scientist but can’t find two words to put together. You’re getting “blown out”.
The good news is that this doesn’t have to be the case. In fact, you can increase your capacity to be grounded and centered around the kind of woman that you find radiant and gorgeous.
There are two main ways to do this. The first is to increase your ability to be with intense embodied sensation. Men have an easier time approaching women who do a lot of embodiment practices like martial arts, yoga or exercise. They can be with a lot of sensation without losing their center and having their brains short circuit.
The second is to learn to not only hold the intense sensations but to enjoy them, welcome them and even get turned on by them. This can take a retraining of your nervous system but if you keep your attention on feeling it fully every time you’re in the presence of a beautiful woman and actively welcoming it, you can develop your emotional response intelligence like a muscle. In fact, just choosing to be aware of your feelings and not running from them can make a huge difference in a short period.
But what it all comes down to is this, the source of you shutting down with beautiful women in those pivotal moments, is you avoiding what you’re feeling.
As Margo approached me the sensations I was feeling in my little high school body were so intense that all I knew how to do was resist them, which caused them to magnify (what you resist persists… and increases) and forced me into my head where I had a complete system meltdown.
If I had known that I could actually have practiced opening to those feelings instead of try to fight and contain them I may have stayed calm, centered, present and connected to my creativity.
So what did happen with Margo? The moment passed. My vision returned and that was the last time I ever saw her. It was a big school. It was close to the end of the year. She graduated. Moved on. Never came back.
Looking back, I did feel her interest and curiosity. I think she was lonely and wanted to find someone to have a beautiful summer romance with before leaving it all behind. It probably would have changed my life. Then again, I can’t say that it didn’t.
I’ve googled her name but only found pictures of dogs jumping for discs.
Don’t let your Margo get away.